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Israeli Raid Cancelled After Very Stupid Facebook Post

If you're in the military, here's a tip: don't put upcoming missions in your Facebook status. You wouldn't think someone would need to tell you that, but here we are.

A raid on suspected militants in the West Bank was cancelled yesterday after an Israeli soldier updated his Facebook status to read "On Wednesday we clean up Qatanah, and on Thursday, god willing, we come home." The solider has since, unsurprisingly, been relieved of combat duty for being a moron. He'll also spend 10 days in prison for his update.

Trying to educate soldiers on the importance of not leaking classified info to Facebook, the Israel Defense Forces have started putting up new posters in bases:

In posters placed on military bases, a mock Facebook page shows the images of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Syrian President Bashar Assad and Hezbollah leader Sheik Hassan Nasrallah. Below their pictures - and Facebook "friend requests" - reads the slogan: "You think that everyone is your friend?"

I really want to see one of those posters. Anyone in the IDF want to send us a picture? My email address is below. I won't post it on Facebook, promise. [NY Times]

Necky: The Snuggie For Your Neck

Are you so stupid that scarves confuse you? Jesus Christ. Well, the Necky was designed with you in mind, you idiot. [BuyNecky via Jezebel]

I Would Never Sit at This Table

Seriously, would anyone? Hundreds of pounds of cathode ray tubes, glass and particle board, dangling inches from your head. The caution tape doesn't inspire confidence, either. Maybe this restaurant would be better off with a flat-panel. [Thanks Matt.]

Look Out Facebook: Friendster Is BACK!!!

Guys, Facebook is so last week. You know what the new hotness is? Friendster! Hey, stop laughing!

Yes, Friendster is prepping for a big ol' relaunch tomorrow, using a brand new logo and a new slogan, "Connecting Smiles." Hoo boy.

Apparently, they're trying to make it more customizable than Facebook. So...like MySpace? Based on the above video, it looks exactly like Facebook, just with customizable skins and backgrounds, like MySpace. Oh, and it's aimed pretty hard at Asians, as Asia is the only place where the Friendster brand has any cachet these days, apparently.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm deleting my Facebook account tonight in anticipation. I hope all my friends will be waiting for me at Friendster! With any luck, they were too lazy to delete their accounts back when Friendster became totally irrelevant years ago. [Friendster via TechCrunch]

Japanese Fluorescent Lamp Fighting: Insane Even Compared to Other Crazy Japanese Things

OK, so maybe this ridiculous "sport" isn't a fair representation of Japan as a whole. But holy shit guys, what is the deal with this? Warning: bloody photos ahead.

[Oddity Central via Geekologie via Neatorama]

Girl Smashes Her Boyfriend’s Xbox 360, Clearly in a Great Relationship

Nothing says "functional relationship" like destroying someone's property rather than talking things out. I'd like to think this is fake, but this girl has a whole bunch of other videos where she's equally horrible. She's not worth it, buddy.

Build-Your-Own Fleshlight: What, No Armpit Option?

Now, you can design your own Fleshlight to your exacting specifications. Can you only climax when making love to a see-thru coinslot in a blue tube? Welcome to Pleasure Town, weirdo! [Fleshlight]

Bacon-Flavored Envelopes: Your Bills Will Now Make You Poor and Fat

Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes are envelopes with adhesive that tastes like bacon. So when you seal an envelope, you get the taste of bacon and a deep feeling of emptiness inside yourself. So it's kind of a double-edged sword. [Mmmvelopes via Uncrate]

Subway Ad Makes It Look Like the Tunnel Is About to Collapse

This freaky subway ad for upcoming disaster porn 2012 is currently up in Rio de Janeiro's subway systems. Get it, it looks like the tunnels have ruptured and are flooding and everybody is about to die! Ha...ha? [Copyranter]

Behold! The Saddest Example of Promotional Convergence Ever!

We got this from a PR person in our emails today. The text read as follows:

To help the Windows team prepare for this legendary occasion, Domino's delivers stacks of its American Legends pizzas to Microsoft's headquarters in Redmond the day before the Windows 7 launch.

What?! Holy crap, who are these people who are paid to set stuff like this up? It makes me want to cry.

Also, I'm hungry. Maybe I'll order a pizza.

It’s Official: I’ll Never Go Kite Snowboarding

I challenge you to watch this video of a kite boarder being carried seemingly hundreds of feet up into the air without instinctively tightening up your sphincter. I say it's impossible. [Boing Boing]

Japanese Erotic Game Uses Webcam for Boner Detection

How's this for a bad idea: Japanese erotic game Love Death 4 is using face tracking and shape detection to add a nice dose of horror to the game's already-questionable content.

There are scant details for how it'll work, and hey, maybe there are other shapes that an erotic game would want to detect other than the shape of a baby's arm holding a crabapple. But I can't think of any.

But hey, maybe this is a good thing! It's innovation! It seems weird now, but when Natal comes out we'll probably be using our boners to reload machine guns in Gears of War 3. [TeaTime via Canned Dogs via Kotaku]

Music Industry Wants Royalties From iTunes 30 Second Samples

Dear music industry: go fuck yourself.

Music royalty groups ASCAP and BMI are harassing online music stores such as iTunes to pay performance fees not only for the songs that they sell, but for the short clips that they use as previews. You know, the things that entice people to pay for music. They want to be paid for advertisements for their product.

Just how backwards is this industry? How many years can they continue to just not get it in such an extreme way? You would have thought that maybe it would have taken a few years for them to figure out the internet, but we're way beyond that. This entire industry seems to be run by people who don't just not understand the internet, but are aggressive about not understanding the internet. They have their old way of doing business and the old way the world works, and they'll be damned if any new fangled thing like a complete upheaval in the way people acquire and listen to music is going to change that.

It'd almost be funny if the people who were really being harmed by these jackasses weren't the artists. Bands aren't the ones pushing for something that will only end with their best form of advertising being pulled from the iTunes Music Store (because make no mistake, that's what will happen before Apple pays for fucking song clips). It's these royalties idiots, the same people who almost killed off Pandora.

So here's the bottom line, guys: you're doing it wrong. And you've been doing it wrong for a while. You need to figure out a new way of doing business, and that doesn't mean just shifting fees around and charging where you clearly shouldn't be charging. Earn your paychecks, because unlike the bands you purport to be representing, you're still getting them. [CNET via Electronista]

Meet the $135,000 Blu-ray Player That’s Missing Features $200 Players Have

Blu-ray! A format destined for hobbyists and physical-media fetishists, one that will never enjoy widespread adoption. And this idiotic $135,000 BD player certainly won't change that.

The Goldmund Eidos Reference Blue Blu-ray Player has all of the touchstones of audiophile snake oil. Gold plating? Check! Heavy dampening? Check! Magnets? Check! But hey, at least if you're willing to drop that much you can be sure that your player is better than anyone else's, complete with every feature imaginable.

Actually, you can't be, because this thing doesn't support internet access or BD-Live. Yes, this is a $135,000 Profile 1.1 player. Nice work, audiophiles. The pathetic thing is that Goldmund will sell the entire 50 unit run of these things to rich idiots who don't do their research. [Ultimate AV Mag via Oh Gizmo! via Dvice]

Fleshlight Motion: For Getting Off at Rock Bottom

Sometimes, you want to make love, but there's no one around to join you in an act of carnal pleasure. Now, you don't have to let that stop you, assuming you're OK with going to town on a fancy ottoman.

Yes, it's the Fleshlight Motion, "the Ultimate Hands Free Experience." Just think: now you can jerk off and eat a sandwich with both hands at the same time! Sure, it'll be about 1,000 times more embarrassing if your mom walks in on you using this thing rather than pleasuring yourself traditionally, but who cares? You take masturbating seriously and you don't care who knows it.

Be sure to check out David Cross' Twitter feed, which includes a whole bunch of catchphrases for the Fleshlight Motion submitted to him by his followers. Amazing stuff. [Fleshlight Motion via David Cross]

$2500 Homemade Jetpack Will Either Get You Laid or Kill You

Looking to live fast and quite possibly die young? Got $2500 burning a hole in your pocket? Do I have a potentially badass obituary for you!

This homemade jetpack is being sold by some dude in Canada via a classified ad. How reputable!

Jet Pack — Jumps You 10' in the Air

Handcrafted by myself Using Car and Airplane parts. I spent 15 years as a mechanic. Can Use for 2 High Jumps 10 feet in the air with a safe landing before overheating, takes about an hour to cool down after that.

weighs 53lbs, approx Camping backback in size , dull grey in color.

serious buyers only can test out on my property and of course watch me first for safety reasons and training.

OK, let's break this down. Pros: it's a jetpack, it's very somewhat affordable, it looks cool. Cons: it might explode on your back, it only allows for 2 jumps per hour, may toss you into the side of a building.

I'll be honest, I would have thought I'd be a solid "no" on this. But part of me (the dumber part) is tempted. [Used Victoria via Geekologie]

Update: Now the guy raised his price to $2500!

10 Meat Structures That Require Engineering Degrees to Build and a Death Wish to Eat

You're probably familiar with This is Why You're Fat. In honor of Taste Test, co-author Jessica Amason has generously shared some gems of meat-related architecture from the blog and from their upcoming book. Good lord, this stuff is gross.

Taste Test is our weeklong tribute to the leaps that occur when technology meets cuisine, spanning everything from the historic breakthroughs that made food tastier and safer to the Earl-Grey-friendly replicators we impatiently await in the future.

Meat Ship - Meat House and Meat Ship creator, Joel Richards, also contributed to TIWYF, the book, where he explained his inspiration for building meat-structures — to create his first meat structure, the meat ship, he actually used the help of his roommate, an engineering major!

Leaning Tower of NOM - A tall dome-like structure of donuts and crullers that is probably more structurally sound than its leaning Tuscan counterpart.

Meat House - It's like a gingerbread house, but many more animals were killed to build it.

Meat Tank - The meat tank is a glorious mystery, it was submitted anonymously and we have yet to uncover its origins. It combines two intensely manly things: an armoured combat vehicle and...MEAT!
Rubix Cubewich - The geniuses at insanewiches.com came up with this supremely nerdy gem and explain its contents here.

Bacon Wrapped Stone Henge - There's something weirdly appropriate about this culinary ode to a site of ritual sacrifice: a bacon offering to the gods! The creator also takes it rather seriously.

BA-K47 - A past favorite of Giz, also part of the book's spread on meat-creations.

The Bacone - Bacon Camp's Bacone seems simple enough, but it actually involved a good amount of ingenuity on the part of its creators. They also contributed to the book, explaining how they came up with the idea that took California's "Bacon Camp" competition by storm. They also talk about their creation here.

Bacon Man - The Bacon Man: attempting to fill the uncanny valley with salty deliciousness! Definitely one of the more creepy items, but also impressive in its construction...

Snack Stadium - The snack stadium has managed to harness all that is good and manly: 1) sporting events 2) building shit with tools 3) tailgating snack foods 4) competition.
After HolyTaco created the original, many have attempted to recreate, redesign and re-imagine their own versions (like this image, which is a redesigned version that is exclusive to our book). Not just a feat of food engineering, a phenomenon!

I’m Sad I Never Got to Try Japan’s 646-Calorie-Per-Slice Pizza Hut Double Roll

Remember this disgusting specimen? It was Pizza Hut Japan's Double Roll Pizza, and it packed a whopping 646 calories… per slice. Good lord. Wait 'til you see the list of toppings.

What contributed to such a high calorie count? Try little bacon wrapped sausages that acted as the crust, and mini hamburger patties on top of the mushrooms, soy beans, corn, paprika, garlic chips, green peppers, and pepperoni. Oh, and cheese? Yeah, it has cheese. Mozzarella, cheddar and parmesan. Oh, and it comes with ketchup and maple syrup for extra flavor. I wonder why it's not around anymore?

Taste Test is our weeklong tribute to the leaps that occur when technology meets cuisine, spanning everything from the historic breakthroughs that made food tastier and safer to the Earl-Grey-friendly replicators we impatiently await in the future.

Human Flypaper Is a Dangerous Way to Stop Thieves

Here's a poorly thought out burglary alarm: human flypaper. Set it inside your front door at night or when you're out and anyone who breaks in will be stuck to it.

Of course, then they will take off their shoes and be seriously pissed off, either coming after you or your property in retaliation. But hey, without their shoes burglars are rendered completely helpless and docile, right?

The anti-burglar mat goes on sale in Japan (of course) this fall. [CrunchGear via Oh Gizmo! via Neatorama]

South Africa’s ATMs Get Weaponized with Pepper Spray

In South Africa, ATMs have been weaponized with pepper spray to ward off thieves. What could possibly go wrong??

Oh, this is what could go wrong:

The technology uses cameras to detect people tampering with the card slots. Another machine then ejects pepper spray to stun the culprit while police response teams race to the scene.

But the mechanism backfired in one incident last week when pepper spray was inadvertently inhaled by three technicians who required treatment from paramedics.

Patrick Wadula, spokesman for the Absa bank, which is piloting the scheme, told the Mail & Guardian Online: "During a routine maintenance check at an Absa ATM in Fish Hoek, the pepper spray device was accidentally activated.

"At the time there were no customers using the ATM. However, the spray spread into the shopping centre where the ATMs are situated."

Maybe it's just me, but I don't want to risk getting a blast of pepper spray in the face if I put my PIN in wrong. [Neatorama]